Last revised: May 21, 2013

   Countryway TUESDAY Golf

"This Website is created for a great group of friendly golfers
who play golf at
Sunrise every Tuesday all year long."

May 21, 2013

TUESDAY Golfer's  FUN Album #2.


     

'Homeless Guy' recommends this New Golf Book:

Chapter 1: How to properly line up your 4th putt.
Chapter 2: How to hit a Nike from the tough, when you hit a Titleist from the tee.
Chapter 3: When to give the ranger the Finger.
Chapter 4: Using your shadow on the greens to maximize earnings.
Chapter 5: Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 6: How to rationalize a 6-hour round.
Chapter 7: How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.
Chapter 8: Why your spouse doesn't care that you birdied the 14th.
Chapter 9: Using curse words creatively to control ball flight.
Chapter 10: When to let a foursome play through your twosome.
Chapter 11: How to relax when you are hitting five off the tee.
Chapter 12: When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.
Chapter 13: God and the meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey three putt.
Chapter 14: When to re-grip your ball retriever.
Chapter 15: Throwing Your Clubs: An effective stress-reduction technique.
Chapter 16: Can  you purchase a better golf game?
Chapter 17: Short of duct tape... how to silence a 'gabby' 'motor-mouth' player
Chapter 18: How to silence a guy who knows where every putt needs to go...

"If you watch a game -- it's fun.
If you play it -- it's recreation.
If you work at it -- it's GOLF."

                                                 -- Bob Hope

Tuesday Golfer Meets Girl on Cruise Ship!

Tuesday Golfer (un-named), met a nice girl on a singles cruise and fell head over heels for her...

When they discovered they both lived in the Tampa Bay area, only a few miles apart, Tuesday
Golfer was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Tuesday Golfer had taken Cruise Girl to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies and museums. Tuesday Golfer became convinced that Cruise Girl was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last. She even enjoyed a Tampa Rays baseball game.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Tuesday Golfer took Cruise Girl to a fine restaurant at the Vinoy Resort Hotel in St. Petersburg. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Tuesday Golfer said,

"I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now."

Cruise Girl took a deep breath and responded: "Golfer Guy, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Tuesday Golfer said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

Pro Shop Telephone Calls
 

#1.
Staff:      Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    What are your green fees? 
Staff:     38 dollars. 
Caller:   Does that include golf?

#2.
Staff:      Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from  Friday.   
               What's the weather going to be like that day?

#3.  
Staff:      Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Yes, do you have one of those areas where you 
can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit  them for  practice? 
Staff:     You mean a driving range? 
Caller:   No, that's not it. 

#4.
Staff:      Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow
between  12 o'clock and noon. 
Staff:      Between 12 o'clock and  noon? 
Caller:    Yes. 
Staff:      We'll try to squeeze you  in. 

#5.
Staff:      Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Do you have any open tee times around 10  o'clock? 
Staff:      Yes, we have one at  10:15. 
Caller:    What's the next time after that? 
Staff:      We have one at 10:22. 
Caller:    We'll take that one.  It will be a bit  warmer

#6.
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:   How much to play golf today? 
Staff:     25 to walk, 38 with a cart. 
Caller:   38 dollars? 
Staff:     No, 38 yen. 

#7.
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:   What do you have for tee times  tomorrow? 
Staff:     What time would you like? 
Caller:   What times do you have? 
Staff:     What time of the day? 
Caller:   Any time. 
Staff:     Morning or afternoon? 
Caller:   Whenever. 
Staff:     We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 
open in the afternoon.  Would you like me to read the whole  list? 
Caller:   No, I don't think any of those times will work for  me. 

#8.
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:   Do you have a dress code? 
Staff:     Yes, we do.  We require soft  spikes. 
Caller:   How about clothes? 
Staff:     Yes, you have to wear  clothes. 

#9.
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:   Yes, do you have a driving range  there? 
Staff:     Yes. 
Caller:   How much for a bucket of large balls? 
Staff:     Sorry, we're all out of large balls.  
But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same  price.

 
#10.
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:   Can I get a tee time for tomorrow? 
Staff:     Sure, what time would you  like? 
Caller:   Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock. 
In  the morning, if possible.

#11.
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:   Do you rent golf clubs there? 
Staff:     Yes, they're 25 dollars. 
Caller:   How much to rent a bag?

#12.
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:   Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and 
told me he's on the 15th hole.  How many more holes does he
have to play before he gets to the 18th? 

#13.
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:   Yes, do you have a driving range  there? 
Staff:     Yes. 
Caller:   How much for a large bucket? 
Staff:     Four dollars. 
Caller:   Does that include the balls? 

#14.
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:   Do you have a twilight rate? 
Staff:     Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2  o'clock. 
Caller:   And what time does that start? 

###.
 


     

After months in seclusion (for very different reasons), two professional golfers
will be making a public appearance soon. One in Augusta and one in Tampa:

Wish them well!  (or Not...)


     

    CONFUCIUS SAY:

"A Lion will not betray his wife..."
 

But a Tiger Wood!"  

 

     


    A Golfer and a Hooker (not Tiger)  

One of our Tuesday golfers visited St. Augustine as a spectator in one of last year's PGA Tournaments. Later, back at the hotel for a 'nightcap', he was sitting at the bar in the lounge (Tiger wasn't there - he was on his boat), and a hooker sits down on the barstool next to him.

She says, "This is your lucky night. Let's play a game. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, so long as you can say it in three words."

Our Tuesday golfer replies: "OK" He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and, one at a time, lays three 100-dollar bills on the bar and says very slowly, "Paint...my...house."

("You can't make this stuff up!")

     



Strictly By The Rules...

Two friends were playing golf one day.

They decided that they would adhere strictly to the rules with no improving their lie.
After a few holes, one guy's ball landed on a cart path.

As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief his friend said,

"We agreed that we would not improve our lie."

No matter how much the first fellow tried to explain that he was entitled to this relief,
the second fellow would not allow it. So the man went to the cart to get a club.

As he stood over the ball he took a few practice swings, each time scraping the club
on the pavement, taking out big chunks of blacktop and sending out lots of sparks!

Finally, after several practice swings he took his shot. The ball took off
and landed on the green about 6 feet from the pin.

"Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?"

"YOUR 7-iron!" he replied.


"Not at our Golf Course..."

"But... I wouldn't reach into any water with my hands..."

(Snake photos courtesy of Ric Wharton)


"But... Listen to your doctor!"


Golf Course Signs!

And... More Golf Quotes:


SCRATCH GOLFER!

Definition: A golfer whose handicap is zero is called a "scratch golfer."

1. Who wouldn't want to BE a "Scratch Golfer"?

2. Have you ever MET a "Scratch Golfer"?

3. You might even KNOW a "Scratch Golfer"!

4. How can I BECOME a "Scratch Golfer"?

5. Have you ever SEEN a "Scratch Golfer"?

 

Well... Click HERE for the only "scratch golfer" we've ever seen at Countryway...


Please send any corrections, additions, changes, new ideas,
photos, stories or whatever to: Ron.Fandrick@verizon.net

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