Countryway TUESDAY Golf
TUESDAY Golfer's FUN Album #2.
'Homeless Guy' recommends this New Golf Book:
Chapter 1: How to properly line up your 4th
Chapter 2: How to hit a Nike from the tough, when you hit a Titleist from the tee.
Chapter 3: When to give the ranger the Finger.
Chapter 4: Using your shadow on the greens to maximize earnings.
Chapter 5: Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 6: How to rationalize a 6-hour round.
Chapter 7: How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.
Chapter 8: Why your spouse doesn't care that you birdied the 14th.
Chapter 9: Using curse words creatively to control ball flight.
Chapter 10: When to let a foursome play through your twosome.
Chapter 11: How to relax when you are hitting five off the tee.
Chapter 12: When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.
Chapter 13: God and the meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey three putt.
Chapter 14: When to re-grip your ball retriever.
Chapter 15: Throwing Your Clubs: An effective stress-reduction technique.
Chapter 16: Can you purchase a better golf game?
Chapter 17: Short of duct tape... how to silence a 'gabby' 'motor-mouth' player
Chapter 18: How to silence a guy who knows where every putt needs to go...
"If you watch a game -- it's fun.
If you play it -- it's recreation.
If you work at it -- it's GOLF."
-- Bob Hope
Tuesday Golfer Meets Girl on Cruise Ship!
(un-named), met a nice girl on a singles cruise and fell head over
heels for her...
When they discovered
they both lived in the Tampa Bay area, only a few miles apart, Tuesday
Within a couple of weeks, Tuesday Golfer had taken Cruise Girl to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies and museums. Tuesday Golfer became convinced that Cruise Girl was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last. She even enjoyed a Tampa Rays baseball game.
On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Tuesday Golfer took Cruise Girl to a fine restaurant at the Vinoy Resort Hotel in St. Petersburg. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Tuesday Golfer said,
"I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now."
Cruise Girl took a deep breath and responded: "Golfer Guy, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."
Tuesday Golfer said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
|Pro Shop Telephone
After months in seclusion (for very different
reasons), two professional golfers
will be making a public appearance soon. One in Augusta and one in Tampa:
Wish them well! (or Not...)
"A Lion will not
betray his wife..."
But a Tiger Wood!"
A Golfer and a Hooker (not Tiger)
One of our Tuesday golfers visited St. Augustine as a spectator in one of last year's PGA Tournaments. Later, back at the hotel for a 'nightcap', he was sitting at the bar in the lounge (Tiger wasn't there - he was on his boat), and a hooker sits down on the barstool next to him.
She says, "This is your lucky night. Let's play a game. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, so long as you can say it in three words."
Our Tuesday golfer replies: "OK" He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and, one at a time, lays three 100-dollar bills on the bar and says very slowly, "Paint...my...house."
("You can't make this stuff up!")
Strictly By The Rules...
|Two friends were playing golf one day.
They decided that they would adhere strictly to the
rules with no improving their lie.
As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief his friend said,
"We agreed that we would not improve our lie."
No matter how much the first fellow tried to
explain that he was entitled to this relief,
As he stood over the ball he took a few practice
swings, each time scraping the club
Finally, after several practice swings he took
his shot. The ball took off
"Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?"
"YOUR 7-iron!" he replied.
"Not at our Golf Course..."
"But... I wouldn't reach into any water with my hands..."
(Snake photos courtesy of Ric Wharton)
"But... Listen to your doctor!"
Golf Course Signs!
And... More Golf Quotes:
Definition: A golfer whose handicap is zero is called a "scratch golfer."
1. Who wouldn't want to BE a "Scratch Golfer"?
2. Have you ever MET a "Scratch Golfer"?
3. You might even KNOW a "Scratch Golfer"!
4. How can I BECOME a "Scratch Golfer"?
5. Have you ever SEEN a "Scratch Golfer"?
Well... Click HERE for the only "scratch golfer" we've ever seen at Countryway...
|Please send any corrections, additions, changes,
photos, stories or whatever to: Ron.Fandrick@verizon.net
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