Last revised: May 03, 2013

   Countryway TUESDAY Golf

"This Website is created for a great group of friendly golfers who play golf at Sunrise every Tuesday all year long."

May 03, 2013

TUESDAY Golfer's  FUN Album #3.


Steve: "I thought this day would NEVER get here!"

        


March 20, 1942


(Mark your calendars for the new National Golf Holiday: Every March 20)
On this date, was born one of the most colorful Tuesday Golfers in the world!
He'll probably be wearing
RED next week to let everyone know he turns 70* and
finally gets to hit from the 'Red' Tees on Hole
#3. and Hole #14. 

IF he's not wearing RED next week, I'm sure you'll recognize him from this Police Line-up:

* Carl's new rule now requires a birth certificate before red tees are allowed
on Hole
#3. and Hole #14. Since our Tuesday golfers start at 7:00 AM and
finishes around 10:30. We need proof that he was born before 7:00 AM
in 1942. If after 10:30 -- No red tees until next week: March 27.

 


     


This is a real store!

"Ever Been Up There Without one?"


     

What Women REALLY Mean!
 
Ever since Adam lost a rib, and Eve showed up, men have known that women may say one thing and mean another.

Finally someone has put together an Interpretation Guide for a few of their most common sayings:

1. "FINE" - This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. "FIVE MINUTES" - If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you
                                                have been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. "NOTHING" - This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes.
                                    Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine" (See #1).

4. "GO AHEAD" - This is a dare, not permission. My advice is Don't Do It!

5. "Loud Sigh" - This is actually a word, but it's a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud
                                  sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
                                  and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of "nothing.")

6. "That's Okay" - This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay"
                                        means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for
                                        your mistake.

7. "Thanks" - A woman is thanking you; do not question, or faint. just say "You're welcome." (I want to add in a
                           clause here -- This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" -- that is PURE sarcasm and she is not
                           thanking you at all.) DO NOT say "you're welcome" as that will bring on a "whatever".

8. "Whatever" - Is a woman's way of saying. "YOU IDIOT!"

9. "Don't Worry About It, I got it" - Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a
                                                                                   woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself.
                                                                                   this will later result in a man asking, "what's wrong?" (for the women's
                                                                                   response, refer to #3.)

###.
 


(Courtesy of Steve Landrum)

Fun Youtube Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUj_qqVxVrE
 


     

    An Italian Golfer  

An  80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a  check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape  the guy is in and asks,' how do you stay in such  great physical condition?'

I'm  Italian and I am a golfer,' says the old guy, 'and  that's why I'm in such good shape.  I'm up  well before daylight and out golfing up and down  the fairways.  I have a glass of vino, and  all is well.'


'Well'  says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's  got to be  more to it. How old was your  Father when he died?'

'Who  said my Father's dead?'


The doctor is  amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your  Father's still alive. How old is  he?'


'He's  100 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer. 'In  fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we  went to the topless beach for a  walk and had  a little vino and that's why he's still alive.   He's Italian and  he's a golfer,  too.'

'Well,'  the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure  there's more to it than that. How about your  Father's Father? How old was he when he  died?'


'Who  said my Nono's dead?'


Stunned,  the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and  your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how  old is he?'


'He's  118 years old,' says the Old Italian  golfer.

The  doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I  guess he went golfing with you this morning  too?'


'No,  Nono couldn't go this morning because he's getting  married today.'


At  this point the doctor is close to losing it.  'Getting married!!  Why would a 118 year- old  guy want to get married?'


Who  said he wanted  to?'

("You can't make this stuff up!")

     


Watch for these new caddy's in 2011!

Walk, Ride, or this third choice!
(A Trained Llama - great mileage!)

    A Golfer and a Hooker (not Tiger)  

One of our Tuesday golfers visited St. Augustine as a spectator in one of last year's PGA Tournaments. Later, back at the hotel for a 'nightcap', he was sitting at the bar in the lounge (Tiger wasn't there - he was on his boat), and a hooker sits down on the barstool next to him.

She says, "This is your lucky night. Let's play a game. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, so long as you can say it in three words."

Our Tuesday golfer replies: "OK" He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and, one at a time, lays three 100-dollar bills on the bar and says very slowly, "Paint...my...house."

("You can't make this stuff up!")

     


Somebody getting married?

A man is getting married, and is standing by his bride at the church.

Standing by him is his golf clubs and bag.

His bride whispers: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

And the man said "This is not going to take all day is it?"

And then... the Honeymoon

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he
falls to the ground.  As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and
my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight.
It should be OK next week."

So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it
all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries
and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.
This was the first time he saw them.

She said, "You're the first one; no one has ever touched these breasts."

He immediately drops his pants and replies...

"Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"


"Who said this was a Gay Golf Cart?"

Joe Garcia - 'Checking it out!'


A GOLF POEM

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.

It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.

###.


  

'Quiet' Bob Kowalski
("Could he be praying for a good round?")



Happy Halloween! - "What's the scariest thing about THESE pictures?"


BREAKING NEWS!

When you reach the age of the golfers in this Tuesday Golfers League
you find out that everyone has a 'health issue': [knee surgery, wrist,
back, hip surgery, heart by-pass, eye problems, a variety of the
big "C" --cancers..., and others too numerous to mention here.]
(it's the rare golfer who doesn't have one...
yet)

But... these guys are a great group of friends with exemplary attitudes, and sense
of humor, as evidenced by this morning's photo:

"My knee surgery scar is bigger than yours..."
JIM ARMSTRONG and CARL MIONE

Carl's first day back after knee surgery (note the cane). Didn't play golf today,
but handled the distribution of prize money and received a typical morning of
'barbs', cutting remarks and harassment from his humorous friends...


Here's an 'overheard' conversation that you probably
wish didn't take place... Bits and pieces, and a few words
overheard. Like: 'Pink', 'Gay', 'Shorts', ....

There has GOT to be more to this story...

Only Claude and Ric Know the whole story...

(Camera wasn't quick enough, but there IS something pink there....)


"Are Those Guys in the Above Pictures 'For Real'?"

Joe and Pat


Copyright 2013      RWF2000 Internet Consulting


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scratch Golfer #1.


Scratch Golfer #2.

Two women were put together as partners in the club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?"

"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.

"Really!" exclaimed the first woman suitably impressed that she was paired up with her.

"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!"


A New Japanese Golfing Bra!

Cute Mini-Skirt too...